There is this one thing I have wanted for as long as I can remember. I’ve dreamt about having it, cried over not experiencing it, written about it, spoken about it with tears streaming down my face.
And then I gave up on it. So much so that I can speak about it matter-of-factly without any tears. Really, I don’t know if I could summon the tears at this point, even if I tried.
I have so resigned myself to living without it that I’m ecstatic when I see other people enjoying that one thing I’ve always wanted but never had. I don’t know if that is a good or bad place to be. I just know it’s where I’m at. It’s where I’ve been for decades.
Until recently… when I heard someone speak of how God brought change in that same issue in their life; how they went from damaging to healing. Something about the way they spoke was like someone starting a fire where once there had only wood.
I said out loud, ‘I would take that if it were offered to me .’ Until that moment I didn’t know that the desire still resided within me. I had let go of it years ago. As far as I knew, hope had died. The assumption was that it is the way it is. There was no room for me to ask God to give me this thing because I had totally closed the door on it.
But, what if?
What if it were possible for Father to give us more than we can ask or imagine? What if, He could restore the years the locusts have eaten? What if, He does raise dead things to life? What if, He really does often do a new thing in our lives? What if, we have not because we ask not?
These are His promises to us; what if, God is not a man that He should lie? What if, His promises are truly yes and amen in Jesus? What if this thing that I have wanted all my life could be mine, even if it were for a short time?
Immediately I knew that if it were offered to me I would receive it with open arms, not with anger or disappointment for not having had it before. It could never come too late in my life. The desire is real. And what if, when we delight in the Lord, He truly does give us the desires of our heart?
You opened the door for me to hope again by having someone share their story with me. So I quote Your Word and Your Promises back to You and ask You for something that my heart cannot even begin to imagine receiving, but that it longs for, no matter how much time goes by, and in spite of everything looking like I will never have it. For the first time in a long time I come to You asking for something I had given up on. I dare to hope again. I’ve seen You do this in the lives of others, and in Jesus’ Name I now ask You to do this in mine. Amen.
©Debbie Mendoza, October 2019
Also by this author: JoyHope – A Christian Daily Devotional. Ebook available on Amazon.